The Wedding

It finally happened, the wedding that we have been waiting for and negotiating toward since we came. It turned out to be really fun. I think this picture captures some of the energy when the newly married couple danced into the reception and all around the pavilion, trailed by and supported by their maids and groomsmen and most of the women, Popie included, dancing and singing. It was a kick.

Kenyan weddings are all-day affairs. For us Americans it’s an adjustment, but now that I’ve attended several I’ve really come to like it that way. You set aside the whole day, there’s no hurry, and you have time to talk. Speeches, dancing, singing, eating, along with a pretty lengthy church service—you don’t look at your watch. This wedding, according to the printed invitation, was to begin at 10:00, but in the event the service began at 11:15 and one of our Kenyan friends remarked later that it seemed too early. Generally, he explained, a 10:00 wedding begins between 1:00 and 2:00, and goes until dusk. This one broke up a good hour before dusk, which seemed strange to him.

The day began a lot earlier, about 8:30 when Popie and all the Okonji women went to pick up the bride from her home. The gate was locked when they arrived. They sang and danced outside the gate for 20 minutes without a response. Finally someone came to say that there were several parts of the dowry that had not been paid—the tin of honey was missing, the bedsheets had proved to be single sheets instead of double. Also we needed a key to open the gate—a key being 1,000 shillings. Marx Okonji, the oldest brother of our friend Michael’s, responded that if they needed those things to be set right immediately it would take three or four hours. Word had it that Daphine, the bride, threatened to go out the back gate and take a taxi to the wedding. In the end some cash was exchanged and the bride was released. She was sung and danced to the car.

The wedding took place in a very nice garden. The ceremony was more or less unexceptional, except that it lasted two hours and the pastor’s sermon included a section telling husbands not to beat their wives and explaining why. Then we moved to a large lawn with tents set up on all sides to shield us from the weather (which was wonderful, the string of beautiful days we have enjoyed continuing unbroken) while we ate lunch and listened to speeches and music.

The processional dancing was the most fun, and we had a good time talking to friends who were present and also meeting or re-meeting relatives of the bride and groom. A special treat was the presence of Dean and Wendy Hirsch, who flew in from Geneva, Switzerland for the event. We had more or less talked them into it—they are Jan (the groom’s) godparents, and we convinced them it would be fun. Dean is President of World Vision Intl and needs to take time for fun. We had a great time with them—they are old and dear friends whom we first met in Kenya 30 years ago. Dean and I both have Okonji sons named after us, so there is quite a bond with the Okonji family.

It really was a great day. Popie and I have been very much a part of the wedding preparations, getting to know the bride and groom as adults (we are quite impressed with them), and walking alongside our friends Michael and Risper through the process we ourselves went through not too long ago. (My major contribution was to assure Michael that everything would work out in the end. One of Popie’s was to go on multiple trips with Risper and Florence, the bride’s mother, to the tailor who was to make all of their dresses.) We loved being so thoroughly part of their family, and they seemed to have genuinely loved having us so involved. This surely was a once in a lifetime experience.

Here’s Popie with Risper, me with Michael, Dean, and Michael’s brother Marx, and the four groomsmen—that’s my namesake Tim on the right, standing next to his brother Jan, the groom. These and many more people have become very, very dear to us.